Settlement Perspectives

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2 PerspectivesMarch 1, 2010

What Will She Tell Her Husband?

What do you talk about at your kitchen table?When was the last time you were in mediation and the other side just didn’t “get it”? You have what you need to win the case — documents that demonstrate the fraud, confirm the negligence, or whatever — but the other side just won’t go away. You offer a few dollars so you’ll be done by lunch, but she still won’t give in. Why not?

Why won’t the other side capitulate? The answer isn’t in the conference room, and it’s not in the documents. The reason your case won’t settle — at least not just yet — may be at a table far away.

The Smartest Guy at His Table That Night

I have given a lot of thought lately to a cluster of closely related negotiation concepts, each of which ultimately leads to the kitchen table:

Years ago a senior trial lawyer I really admire told me a story about how he positions technology cases for the jury. It went something like:

Tonight that guy on the front row is going to be the smartest person at his dinner table. No matter what else went on with his family today, he will explain to them — in great detail — how a telephone number is called up in a database or what happens behind the scenes when you swipe your credit card at the Wal-Mart or what “just in time” inventory management means to the local bookstore.

Everyone in your case, from the opposing party to her lawyer to the judge, is a real person who talks to someone — a husband, a friend, her dad — about her day when it’s over. The discussion at her dinner table matters.

“What will she tell her husband?”

When was the last time you admitted you had a bad case at home? No one wants to, and it’s especially true in litigation. Someone was mad enough about how they were treated to file a lawsuit, and they aren’t going to drop it without a good story and the time to tell it. That’s why your surprise attack on the merits at mediation can’t succeed — it’s often better, psychologically if not financially, for the other side to lose in court and blame it on the lawyers than admit defeat at home.

Instead, if you want to settle today, ask yourself what your opponent will tell her husband, her friend, or her dad about her settlement and how she got there — because she won’t settle without dinnertime talking points. A few ways you might get there include:

  1. Advance notice of your position through a credible mediation brief, a clear pleading, or a phone call to her lawyer so your opponent has time to manage expectations at home;
  2. An irrevocable offer, such as a Rule 68 offer, so she has time to carefully discuss the offer with her family before it expires;
  3. An offer to settle halfway, discussed here and here and here, settling much of the case while moving forward on a few issues so she gets her (limited) day in court; or
  4. A settlement that allows her to save face, like a donation to charity or a payment for some disputed severance time that she can talk about when she gets home.

At your next mediation, think about your opponent’s dinner conversation and the talking points you’re helping her write. You’ll be glad you did.

Categories: Communication,Mediation,Negotiation

2 Perspectives:

John LasseyTuesday, March 2, 2010 5:13 am

John:
Good point. Ambushes rarely work at mediation. When representating the defendant, I’ve tried to manage expectations well in advance of the mediation by crafting what I call a “reverse demand letter”, in which my client and I make an offer at the low end of what we see as the reasonable range of values. I explain exactly why the offer is what it is. Like good plaintiffs lawyers crafting their settlement packages, I include appropriate exhibits and use non-legalese calculated to persuade both the lawyer and the client who receive it.

John DeGrooteTuesday, March 2, 2010 7:42 am

John–

Thanks for your comment — your “reverse demand letter” is a great way to manage expectations in advance of mediation or serious settlement discussions. The letter you send in advance will give your oponent the acceptance time she needs, and the avoidance of legalese is definitely a plus. A few additional thoughts on this approach can be found on a post I did a few months ago at Delivering Bad News in Negotiation: 3 More Tips.

As we prepare our opposing parties for settlement discussions I also think it’s important that we consider what the other side’s story will be when the negotiation is done — what will her talking points be as she discusses the settlement with her friends and family? If there are positive outcomes from the case, like a policy change or an apology or another victory she can point to, you may be closer to settlement than you think.

John, the reverse demand letter is a great approach — thanks for walking us through it here.

John DeGroote

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Settlement Perspectives
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of John DeGroote.

I created this site to help clients and their counsel navigate the challenges that inevitably result from disputes, settlement efforts, impasse, and negotiation in general. The perspectives I bring are based on my experience, summarized in this abbreviated bio. If you have any questions or thoughts about this site, or an issue you’d like to see addressed, please email me at:

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